Dilemma

I have come to realize that medical advancements are not always a blessing. I work in area that fights death everyday. Yes its great that we save many infants, but would death in some situations have been a better choice. The choice of whether to take great lengths and save a child, or let them go as nature would have it, is not always clear. We have the ability to save most anything, but are we preventing them from taking the course they should have taken. I often think of what I would do if I was the mother of a child that had serious physical anomalies, and had to decide whether to take drastic measure to save their lives, knowing it would not cure them of their physical disability but it would keep them alive. I have been in many situations where the infant is alive and responsive on a ventilator, but beyond that, they have nothing else functioning. How would it be to look into your child's eyes and know you had to make the decision of whether to keep them on the ventilator or whether you are going to pull the plug. From the words of a mother that we posed this question to, she responded, "I will live with this decision for the rest of my life." The silence in the room was awful. From the nurses standpoint, it is easy to say, why would you save this child. It will never walk, talk, eat, hear, see, breath on it's own, etc. We also spend day in and day out with these infant managing their care and know how much work it is. We see all the needles, tubes, sutures, that go into them. We work with them through their anguish to survive. We come to realize that there are things worse then death. On the other hand, we are not the parent. We don't have to live that horrible decision of life or death. We don't have to think about the infant everyday and remember their sweet eyes starring at you. For us it's just a job, and we can go on living outside this sphere once we leave the hospital. So during those times that I am struggling to understand why parents can't just let their child go, in the back of my mind I know as the mother I would have a hard time letting go too. This is a dilemma that tears at me daily, and is one of the most stressful parts of my job. It is my goal to be remembered by the family as someone who is supportive and understanding with the decisions they make at this time, even if I don't agree. I can't blame them for being protectors. That's what parents are suppose to be. On a lighter note, I do have fun at work despite some of the heaviness. Yes we have named Dr. Mcsteamy and Mcdreamy in our unit. Yes we do mess around on our voceras and laugh at each others crazy lives. Most of all, we do love these babies and enjoy snuggling with them and rocking them or just holding their hands. As cheesy as it sounds, it is true!